Same, same, but different!
Ressolve 3 obstacles to change
Can one ever get rid of old traumas, difficulties, stories? Will that ever change?
I and so many of my clients have done so much therapy, different exercises, modalities, trainings, courses and so on, to finally feel better…just to notice, that at a given moment something triggers the same issue, that has been worked on since forever…and even though, it pops up again and again!
That is for most of us really frustrating: “Didn’t I do the right thing?” “I’ve already worked on that so much!” or make us angry or irritated: “Can’t it go away, it should be over by now!” and in the worst-case scenario it leads to desperation and helplessness: “I don’t know what to do anymore…”.
One of my coaches-mentors once said to me something like: “Everybody has his or her topic, main theme that gets to them again and again – it’s just a matter of recognizing that you’re not at the same place with it anymore. You’re looking at it from a different angle. It’s like a spiral, you’re seeing the same, but from an elevated standpoint.”
This is all very nice, but when you’re in the midst of an intense happening or feeling, it’s not so easy to acknowledge that. In fact, you’re feeling most likely like a looser, back at the start!
In my experience, working with hundreds of clients and on myself, there are 3 obstacles why it’s so difficult to change to a higher level, to feel better.
3 obstacles to change
Identity and loyalty to the story:
Who would I be without any story of terrible things happening or having happened to me? I don’t know myself anymore. I feel like I need to miserable after all I’ve been through. If I was always happy, that wouldn’t be me!
- Fitting into a group for survival – from the time of the cavemen
This comes from our history as members of a tribe, where it was essential to fit in and not be an outcast to survive. Even though, today, this is not our reality anymore – it’s possible to be a loner, work from home and not see or be with any “real” persons and still live. At the time of the cavemen, one needed to be together with others to have protection – being cast out was sure death.
So, today, we want to fit in with whoever is around us. But, if by chance the people around us are really negative, constantly complaining and feeling bad, it’s really difficult to stand out by being happy, successful and healthy!
Loyalty to the family, tribe, culture
My father, mother, my grandparents etc., have suffered so much, or are still suffering or are maybe just having a hard time. They are sick or poor or having all kind of difficulties. Who am I to change my life to easy and fun in the light of that? I feel disloyal to my family to leave them alone in their misery and just be fine, maybe even enthusiastic and having a wonderful life!
All these 3 obstacles to change are usually unconscious. But while you’re reading through them – does any of this ring a bell, feels somehow right? If yes, or if you’re only intrigued by these points, keep reading!
I had a client with whom I had done my big Body-Mind-Transformation Package. In this package I assist my clients to go into the depth of her (or his) story, dissolve traumatisms, change the stories, update the brain to here and now by looking at the limiting believes and changing them, healing old wounds that have been the foundation of the limiting beliefs. I do that with different modalities: Bodywork, mindfulness, meditative states, tapping, coaching, acupressure – energy work and body-mind work.
The outcome of this process we went through in about 10 weeks was close to miraculous for her. My client felt totally free to pursue all her dreams, had plenty of energy to set new ways of living in motion, which made her feel happy, excited and joyous to be alive.
One year later I heard from her. She had a break down and feels worse than ever. I am completely baffled and am wondering: What happened? Did I do something wrong with her? Is what I offer too strong, too fast, too deep? Does it last?
Now I think that: yes, my way of working with my clients is very deep and fast. Then, when the package, the work with me is over and I let my clients go toward their “old” life, there are the 3 obstacles coming up!
- Who am I now?
- How do I fit in with my old friends?
- I want to honor my family and tradition.
And again, I don’t think it’s conscious (at least most of the time). But, I do think that knowing about these 3 obstacles, I could offer a follow up, maybe a group, to help connecting with others that have changed their beliefs and are now on a different path then their environment (work, family, friends).
And here are the solutions to the 3 obstacles in my client’s case:
For the first obstacle I have this solution:
Deciding on who you want to be in the future and projecting this into the future. Putting all your focus on what you want and seeing yourself being that, there. So, in a way you could say it’s a “new me”, a new identity.
As the November resource I suggest to you to take pen and paper, or if you’re more comfortable typing, write it on your computer!
Think about what kind of life you really want to live…
In your body, on a social level, career – calling, love relationship, family, finances, spirituality, mental achievements and if you can think of something else that doesn’t fit in this category, just add other areas you want.
I also can help you with this as a Body-Mind Therapist and Coach through Law of Attraction Coaching, or throughout the Body and Soul Transformation Package.
For the second obstacle:
How can I let go of old friendships that don’t support this “new me” and find new friends that are on the same wavelength? A group of likeminded people, like for example the Law of Attraction Coaching group can be very helpful in this case. Obviously, any group where you feel supported in reaching your goals is wonderful.
For the third obstacle:
Becoming conscious that my family, my parents, grandparents etc. would have wanted me to be happy, healthy and feeling joyous. And by the way, if they wouldn’t want that for you (there are some strange people in this world that have been wounded and want others to stay small and unhappy), just make it up for yourself. Give yourself the parent, mentor, that is totally supportive of you becoming the divine being, you’re meant to be, shining your love and light everywhere you are!
I recognize that the 3 solutions I gave to you are easier said then done. But on the other hand, if they are not followed, chances are that you’re falling back into the old patterns, even after having done so much work on yourself!
Here’s my offer to you: If you’re one of the persons that has the feeling of:
“OMG, still the same sh*t?!!”
I would love to assist you creating your “new me”, healing the past, while at the same time, projecting into the future the friends and work that help you stay in this wonderful, joyous, creative space. Attracting them with tools and processes that I learnt in the Coaching Academy and that I would love to share with you.
I work one on one with a coaching package of 10 sessions over 10 weeks (that can obviously prolonged), and I also have an ongoing coaching group where I share the processes and techniques and where we are together to support each other’s vision of a wonderful life!
Call me (514) 296-7877 or write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information and to book your first complementary 30 minutes of coaching with me!