Anybody struggling with rejection?
Ron, whose name I changed for confidentiality, sought out my services because he had troubles with his relationship. He knew that everything he did was so that he wouldn’t feel rejected. And he didn’t want to be like this anymore.
Is this a theme that you know?
What is it you do in your life not to be rejected?
Is it so bad to be rejected?
What does it actually mean to be rejected?
These are all great questions. If rejection doesn’t touch you, you might not be reading any further. But since you’re still here, I guess it’s a feeling you have had in your life. An emotion that hurt and maybe still hurts.
Let me go with you through these questions and guide you into a visualization that will help you move out of this vicious cycle. Think of a moment in your life in which you feel rejected!
When I do, this comes to my mind:
I did not fit in; I couldn’t make friends with the girls and boys in my high school. That hurt. I was coping with it by starting to feel better than them; By pretending inside to be more mature, more intelligent, in some ways higher than them.
This “betterness” served me in this context but became somehow a part of my physical posture. So much so that people I meet in a social context, although not when I am with my clients, have a sense of me being arrogant or somehow aloof.
Which then can lead to me feeling rejected again because people won’t approach me. And this is a vicious cycle that keeps continuing and is supported by evidence.
Now, I am aware of this, and it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I also counteract it by approaching people and making contact.
So let’s come to the second question:
What are you doing NOT to be rejected?
In my example, I pretended to be somehow better, so I didn’t need to be with the others, which means they couldn’t reject me.
And the third question: Is it so bad to be rejected?
For sure, you wouldn’t want to be in a group of hateful, narrow-minded, and stupid people. And in this case, it’s better to be rejected by them.
But what hurts inside and probably what you’re feeling is the young part of you. Because when you’re a baby, a toddler, a child, it is life-threatening to be rejected!
If you had traumatic events in your childhood, chances are you have found survival structures and methods to overcome this!
Only – you’re not a child anymore. But, unfortunately, our body-mind system won’t update this information automatically! So we keep on living as if we were still a baby, a child, utterly dependent on others for our survival. These physical and mental structures are limiting you in significant ways today.
Also, there’s an excellent reason for not wanting to be alone, which is from the time of the cavemen. For tribe members, it was dangerous to be alone; we couldn’t have made it by ourselves fending off attacking animals or enemies.
Fortunately, today we live in quite a “safe” environment. We aren’t threatened daily by sabertooth tigers or other immediate dangers. But, nevertheless, the sense of needing to belong is still strong in us.
Just now, we can choose. The Internet has opened up a whole new reality. Everybody can find people groups that fit, with the same values, goals, and aspirations.
As long as we are stuck in the same old structure of rejection and unaware that our reactions are automatic, it’s challenging to make new choices.
Inner Child Guided Visualization
Here is a guided visualization to be with your inner child.
What I offer in this exercise is to become aware of your automatic response(s) to rejection, to feel then: who inside you feels rejected? And very probably it’s a young part. So I will guide you in this exercise to connect with this young part, hold it, be with it, and love it.
This guided visualization is just a little taste of how one can contact a younger part and change by and by the automatic negative behaviours. Obviously, if your inner child has been hurt a lot, it’s so much easier to have assistance in contacting it!
If you want to have help with this, please get in touch with me for a 30-minute complimentary discovery session.
If you want to get a taste of how I’m working, come to my webinar Wednesday, the 24th of November 2021.
Write me to get the link firstname.lastname@example.org!
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